1. Communication is the key to happiness.
My hubby and I reeeeeeally struggled with communication when we first lived together. 12 years later, it still isn't perfect, but we try like hell. What I find disturbing nowadays is the number of people in relationships that simply do not communicate, and don't find any fault with it. Perhaps it's because the communication in their relationship is not great and usually ends up in a fight. Perhaps it's because they don't know what to say or where to start. Whatever the reason, I can only say this: Communication makes your relationship function. It ensures you are on the same page about big issues such as finances, future plans and children, helps you stay connected to your partner by sharing hopes, dreams, wants and needs, and builds trust. When you can openly communicate and work through your problems, you can trust each other so much more knowing everything is on the table. If your relationship is worth it and is going to survive, you need to find a way to communicate someday, whether alone or with some help.
And communication doesn't have to be that dreaded, 5 hour conversation about all things negative that just ends in a fight. It can be as simple as discussing your day at work, talking about future plans, discussing an issue, saying "I love you" or even sending a flirty text while you're apart.
Try something today: Think about how great you feel when you receive a text, email or voicemail from your loved one that says something as simple as "I miss you" or "I love you." Dwell on that happy feeling for a minute. Now, return the favor. You'd be amazed what taking 30 seconds to send a flirty, sexy or just happy message to your partner can do for their (and your) mood!!!
2.That Golden Rule: Treat others how you want to be treated.
My mom nailed this one into my head when I was kid so much I don't think I'll ever forget it. Who would have thought that once I was an adult it would apply to so many different life situations (thanks, Ma!). Relationships at home, work and otherwise all revolve around this one golden rule that is so very simple, but so very disregarded. If it's something that would hurt you, then it's probably something that would hurt them, too. Pretty simple, no?
The thing that drives me nuts the most is the justification of actions that do, at some point, hurt others. People seem to forget, during fights, divorces, separations and other negative times in their relationships, that at some point you loved this person. With the internet giving everyone the freedom to do, say, watch and send whatever they damn well please, and society seemingly accepting the horrendous amount of cheating and affairs that take place (hellooo AshleyMadison.com, whos' tagline is "Life is short. Have an affair."), it is SO easy to forget that it only takes a split second to cause a whole world of hurt. But is the hurt you caused worth it? Did it take away your pain, or just cause more for someone else? What if it was you? Why, once everything goes to shit, does everyone just assume it's ok for the gloves to come off and to hurt the person you so loved before? Whatever happened to being the "bigger man" and not hurting someone back? Is that really the only way to fix the situation nowadays?
When it comes down to it, there are many things that can happen in a moment of anger, amidst a fight or during a divorce, that are mistakes. Some can be fixed and some may cost you a loved one for good. That married man you slept with...how would you feel if you were his wife? That guy or girl who sent you the amazingly sexy picture. as an "innocent" flirt..how would you feel if you found an amazingly sexy picture of a guy or girl in your partners stuff? The person you slept with before you were done with your current relationship...how would you feel if that person did the same to you when they had had enough? Is it worth it for a couple of exciting, new or interesting moments? At the end of the day it becomes quite simple, just treat others as you would want to be treated, and keep karma on your good side.
3. Be greatful. Everyday.
Some days, it's like the whole worlds gone crazy. Innocent people dying, fiscal cliffs hanging over our heads and cheating running amuck. There's so much stress in every day life just to survive that it's easy to forget that you are so very lucky to have someone who loves you for who you are. Some people never find that in life, some find it and lose it and some squander it. But those who have found it should always try to remember, among the craziness of every day life, to be greatful for their partner. Life is so short, they could be gone tomorrow, and it takes hardly any time at all to tell those that you care about (not just your partner, remember your fabulous family and crazy friends too!!!) what they mean to you.
Go ahead. Find someone you care about and show 'em some love. It'll boost both your moods and remind you how rare and amazing your relationship really is.
4. Sex...yeah, you should totally go get it on.
Before our wedding, I heard all the usual jokes from friends and family about how once you're married, the sex disappears, but I never understood why. If you enjoyed it before you were married, shouldn't it just improve once you've said "I do?". What I've found is that sex after marriage can be amazing and it doesn't have to disappear, but you have to be willing to let go, have fun and have some sex dammit! My husband and I have a healthy sex life even after 5 years of marriage and 8 years of dating because we both want it. Of course, sex works in conjunction with the whole communication and trust thing. If you can't communicate on general stuff with your partner, how are you supposed to open up in the bedroom and tell them what you really want?! Being comfortable communicating with and trusting your partner allows you to be open and honest about your sexual fantasies, wants and needs, and allows you to hear your partner when they share theirs. I know, I knoooow, some people might get all squeamish about the subject of sex, but here's the thing: if you're married or in a long-term relationship, chances are you both have seen each other in waaaaay more embarassing situations (helloooo that first time he was around when you farted!) than something as natural as sex.
So, here's your turn-them-on assignment: Pick a day this weekend that you will have some time with your partner. Seduce them, (you know, flirting, joking, that stuff you used to do waaaaay in the beginning) and find a way to have some good, mind-blowing sex. Think outside the box and do something to add some spice to your sex life and try something your partner would never have expected. Then enjoy the giant smiles you will both have when you're done. Seriously, this "hint" is by far the easiest to understand: Just. Have. Sex.
5. Have fun!!!!! Remember that 3-letter word?!
Remember those date nights when you would go out together, dance the night away, flirting and laughing without a care in the world? Then, life got busier and busier, and suddenly the date nights were MIA. WTF? Though I know life gets horrendously busy (far too often), I can't stress the importance of taking even just one night a week to step outside your normal work-dinner-workout-TV-bed routine and get the hell out of the house to do something fun!!! A movie, a few drinks, a walk around the neighborhood, whatever you choose to do, just have fun. Talk about something other than work and usual things and let your carefree side out to play. It can reduce your stress, reconnect you with your partner after a long day or week and give you a second to stop and finally breathe.
Up for a challenge? Pick a night this coming week when you know you're both available and plan a date night. It can be simple or extravagant, just make it fun for both of you and let the good times roll! Fun, flirty things to try: play pool at a local place where you can snuggle up and exchange glances from across the pool table, grab a drink then head to a club to wow them with your smooooooth dance moves or find a small cafe or venue that offers live music where you can get cozy in a corner while sipping some drinks.
There are so many aspects that make up a good, strong relationship and trust me, I'm certainly not an expert, but over 12 and a half years of being with the same man, I have learned a few things. Remember, you'll make mistakes, fall down, get back up, and probably, at some point, hurt one another, but it's all part of life. Be kind to one another, love like there is no tomorrow and never forget, you will get out of your relationship what you put into it, so give it everything you've got and be happy!!!
~KG
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