Ever since I was young, I always wanted to have kids. I was the oldest cousin on both sides of my family, so I became the unofficial family babysitter, babysat most of the neighborhood kids, volunteered with children and wanted to be a teacher. It wasn't until last Spring, when I had surgery to look into the excessive pain I have each month, that it was discovered I would never be able to conceive naturally. In that moment, when it literally became my decision because it would never happen unless we made it happen through IVF, I suddenly started to wonder if I really wanted kids after all. I always knew my mom had trouble with getting pregnant, but I never expected to have an issue. For the first time in my life, I began to question everything I thought I wanted in my life. I had found my soulmate, we had gotten married, purchased our first house, the next step, as we had always planned, was to start a family, and now I couldn't even give my husband a straight answer on whether I still wanted to have a kid. I felt...violated.
Over the next few weeks, questions crowded my every thought. Why did this happen? Was it something I did? How long have I been like this? What would my life be like if we didn't have kids? Would I regret it later in my life, when I was older and couldn't change my mind? As if the universe could somehow hear my inner struggle, people randomly began commenting on the issue, even strangers that did not know of my situation. Some made comments on how their whole life was their children, while others commented on how they had made the decision not to have kids and enjoyed their life traveling and just spending time with their spouse. Somehow, as if overnight, I couldn't make up my mind. Instead of knowing for sure that I wanted to have kids, now my brain started wondering if I would like my life better without any kids. Maybe all of this was a sign that we weren't meant to have kids? Or maybe not. Sigh. And I was back to square one.
A few weeks later we had dinner with my parents and I played nervously with my hands, wanting to ask my mom how she felt about my situation, but not knowing how to say it. How do you tell your mom and dad that they might never be grandparents? Taking a deep breath, I tried to remain calm as I explained to my mom how I had been feeling, how I felt so conflicted on whether I even wanted to pursue having a child anymore. As always, they were both supportive, assuring me that when the time was right, my husband and I would make the right decision for us. Again, I wished I could just make up my mind. I decided to put the issue to rest for the time being, too emotional to make a solid decision.
Now, several months later, and at the start of a new year, I find myself thinking about it again. I bounce back and forth between wanting a baby and not wanting one from day to day when all I really want is to be able to make a decision. My husband, an only child, supports me either way. He's been honest since day 1 that he would be happy whether we had children or not, essentially placing him in the same undecided category as me. And I thought he'd make it easy for me by feeling stronger one way or the other. Dammit. I swear, but then again, I have to admit that I know exactly how he feels, and I'm not sure I like it. I keep thinking that a moment will come when I will know what I want with absolute clarity...but what if that moment never comes for me? Then again, you can't live life always wondering what if, right?
For now, I quell my thoughts by researching IVF, hoping that if I understand all the ins and outs of the procedure that maybe my decision will be a little easier. My heart goes out to any other women struggling with trying to conceive or struggling with making a decision similiar to mine, and hope that somehow, you too can find some inner peace. I know when the day comes to make my final decision, my husband and partner will be there by my side, supporting me whatever I choose. Hopefully, by then, I will be in a more settled space in my life so the decision doesn't seem quite as overbearing as it is now.
Dealt with infertility or gone through IVF? I'd always love to hear your thoughts, suggestions or personal stories (if you're willing to share). There's so much unknown down this new and unexpected path, but everything happens for a reason. Only thing to do is start down the path and see where it takes us.
~KG
Monday, January 7, 2013
Friday, January 4, 2013
Surviving your relationship: 5 things I've learned being married to my best friend.
No relationship is perfect, no matter how perfect it might look from the outside. I've been with my husband since high school and though I love him more every day, we've had our share of ups and downs. And by ups and downs I mean I'm pretty sure we did everything the hard way and made a lot of mistakes, but we survived! Here, some honest (probably obvious, and maybe a little funny) things I've learned from being married to my best friend:
1. Communication is the key to happiness.
My hubby and I reeeeeeally struggled with communication when we first lived together. 12 years later, it still isn't perfect, but we try like hell. What I find disturbing nowadays is the number of people in relationships that simply do not communicate, and don't find any fault with it. Perhaps it's because the communication in their relationship is not great and usually ends up in a fight. Perhaps it's because they don't know what to say or where to start. Whatever the reason, I can only say this: Communication makes your relationship function. It ensures you are on the same page about big issues such as finances, future plans and children, helps you stay connected to your partner by sharing hopes, dreams, wants and needs, and builds trust. When you can openly communicate and work through your problems, you can trust each other so much more knowing everything is on the table. If your relationship is worth it and is going to survive, you need to find a way to communicate someday, whether alone or with some help.
And communication doesn't have to be that dreaded, 5 hour conversation about all things negative that just ends in a fight. It can be as simple as discussing your day at work, talking about future plans, discussing an issue, saying "I love you" or even sending a flirty text while you're apart.
Try something today: Think about how great you feel when you receive a text, email or voicemail from your loved one that says something as simple as "I miss you" or "I love you." Dwell on that happy feeling for a minute. Now, return the favor. You'd be amazed what taking 30 seconds to send a flirty, sexy or just happy message to your partner can do for their (and your) mood!!!
2.That Golden Rule: Treat others how you want to be treated.
My mom nailed this one into my head when I was kid so much I don't think I'll ever forget it. Who would have thought that once I was an adult it would apply to so many different life situations (thanks, Ma!). Relationships at home, work and otherwise all revolve around this one golden rule that is so very simple, but so very disregarded. If it's something that would hurt you, then it's probably something that would hurt them, too. Pretty simple, no?
The thing that drives me nuts the most is the justification of actions that do, at some point, hurt others. People seem to forget, during fights, divorces, separations and other negative times in their relationships, that at some point you loved this person. With the internet giving everyone the freedom to do, say, watch and send whatever they damn well please, and society seemingly accepting the horrendous amount of cheating and affairs that take place (hellooo AshleyMadison.com, whos' tagline is "Life is short. Have an affair."), it is SO easy to forget that it only takes a split second to cause a whole world of hurt. But is the hurt you caused worth it? Did it take away your pain, or just cause more for someone else? What if it was you? Why, once everything goes to shit, does everyone just assume it's ok for the gloves to come off and to hurt the person you so loved before? Whatever happened to being the "bigger man" and not hurting someone back? Is that really the only way to fix the situation nowadays?
When it comes down to it, there are many things that can happen in a moment of anger, amidst a fight or during a divorce, that are mistakes. Some can be fixed and some may cost you a loved one for good. That married man you slept with...how would you feel if you were his wife? That guy or girl who sent you the amazingly sexy picture. as an "innocent" flirt..how would you feel if you found an amazingly sexy picture of a guy or girl in your partners stuff? The person you slept with before you were done with your current relationship...how would you feel if that person did the same to you when they had had enough? Is it worth it for a couple of exciting, new or interesting moments? At the end of the day it becomes quite simple, just treat others as you would want to be treated, and keep karma on your good side.
3. Be greatful. Everyday.
Some days, it's like the whole worlds gone crazy. Innocent people dying, fiscal cliffs hanging over our heads and cheating running amuck. There's so much stress in every day life just to survive that it's easy to forget that you are so very lucky to have someone who loves you for who you are. Some people never find that in life, some find it and lose it and some squander it. But those who have found it should always try to remember, among the craziness of every day life, to be greatful for their partner. Life is so short, they could be gone tomorrow, and it takes hardly any time at all to tell those that you care about (not just your partner, remember your fabulous family and crazy friends too!!!) what they mean to you.
Go ahead. Find someone you care about and show 'em some love. It'll boost both your moods and remind you how rare and amazing your relationship really is.
4. Sex...yeah, you should totally go get it on.
Before our wedding, I heard all the usual jokes from friends and family about how once you're married, the sex disappears, but I never understood why. If you enjoyed it before you were married, shouldn't it just improve once you've said "I do?". What I've found is that sex after marriage can be amazing and it doesn't have to disappear, but you have to be willing to let go, have fun and have some sex dammit! My husband and I have a healthy sex life even after 5 years of marriage and 8 years of dating because we both want it. Of course, sex works in conjunction with the whole communication and trust thing. If you can't communicate on general stuff with your partner, how are you supposed to open up in the bedroom and tell them what you really want?! Being comfortable communicating with and trusting your partner allows you to be open and honest about your sexual fantasies, wants and needs, and allows you to hear your partner when they share theirs. I know, I knoooow, some people might get all squeamish about the subject of sex, but here's the thing: if you're married or in a long-term relationship, chances are you both have seen each other in waaaaay more embarassing situations (helloooo that first time he was around when you farted!) than something as natural as sex.
So, here's your turn-them-on assignment: Pick a day this weekend that you will have some time with your partner. Seduce them, (you know, flirting, joking, that stuff you used to do waaaaay in the beginning) and find a way to have some good, mind-blowing sex. Think outside the box and do something to add some spice to your sex life and try something your partner would never have expected. Then enjoy the giant smiles you will both have when you're done. Seriously, this "hint" is by far the easiest to understand: Just. Have. Sex.
5. Have fun!!!!! Remember that 3-letter word?!
Remember those date nights when you would go out together, dance the night away, flirting and laughing without a care in the world? Then, life got busier and busier, and suddenly the date nights were MIA. WTF? Though I know life gets horrendously busy (far too often), I can't stress the importance of taking even just one night a week to step outside your normal work-dinner-workout-TV-bed routine and get the hell out of the house to do something fun!!! A movie, a few drinks, a walk around the neighborhood, whatever you choose to do, just have fun. Talk about something other than work and usual things and let your carefree side out to play. It can reduce your stress, reconnect you with your partner after a long day or week and give you a second to stop and finally breathe.
Up for a challenge? Pick a night this coming week when you know you're both available and plan a date night. It can be simple or extravagant, just make it fun for both of you and let the good times roll! Fun, flirty things to try: play pool at a local place where you can snuggle up and exchange glances from across the pool table, grab a drink then head to a club to wow them with your smooooooth dance moves or find a small cafe or venue that offers live music where you can get cozy in a corner while sipping some drinks.
There are so many aspects that make up a good, strong relationship and trust me, I'm certainly not an expert, but over 12 and a half years of being with the same man, I have learned a few things. Remember, you'll make mistakes, fall down, get back up, and probably, at some point, hurt one another, but it's all part of life. Be kind to one another, love like there is no tomorrow and never forget, you will get out of your relationship what you put into it, so give it everything you've got and be happy!!!
~KG
1. Communication is the key to happiness.
My hubby and I reeeeeeally struggled with communication when we first lived together. 12 years later, it still isn't perfect, but we try like hell. What I find disturbing nowadays is the number of people in relationships that simply do not communicate, and don't find any fault with it. Perhaps it's because the communication in their relationship is not great and usually ends up in a fight. Perhaps it's because they don't know what to say or where to start. Whatever the reason, I can only say this: Communication makes your relationship function. It ensures you are on the same page about big issues such as finances, future plans and children, helps you stay connected to your partner by sharing hopes, dreams, wants and needs, and builds trust. When you can openly communicate and work through your problems, you can trust each other so much more knowing everything is on the table. If your relationship is worth it and is going to survive, you need to find a way to communicate someday, whether alone or with some help.
And communication doesn't have to be that dreaded, 5 hour conversation about all things negative that just ends in a fight. It can be as simple as discussing your day at work, talking about future plans, discussing an issue, saying "I love you" or even sending a flirty text while you're apart.
Try something today: Think about how great you feel when you receive a text, email or voicemail from your loved one that says something as simple as "I miss you" or "I love you." Dwell on that happy feeling for a minute. Now, return the favor. You'd be amazed what taking 30 seconds to send a flirty, sexy or just happy message to your partner can do for their (and your) mood!!!
2.That Golden Rule: Treat others how you want to be treated.
My mom nailed this one into my head when I was kid so much I don't think I'll ever forget it. Who would have thought that once I was an adult it would apply to so many different life situations (thanks, Ma!). Relationships at home, work and otherwise all revolve around this one golden rule that is so very simple, but so very disregarded. If it's something that would hurt you, then it's probably something that would hurt them, too. Pretty simple, no?
The thing that drives me nuts the most is the justification of actions that do, at some point, hurt others. People seem to forget, during fights, divorces, separations and other negative times in their relationships, that at some point you loved this person. With the internet giving everyone the freedom to do, say, watch and send whatever they damn well please, and society seemingly accepting the horrendous amount of cheating and affairs that take place (hellooo AshleyMadison.com, whos' tagline is "Life is short. Have an affair."), it is SO easy to forget that it only takes a split second to cause a whole world of hurt. But is the hurt you caused worth it? Did it take away your pain, or just cause more for someone else? What if it was you? Why, once everything goes to shit, does everyone just assume it's ok for the gloves to come off and to hurt the person you so loved before? Whatever happened to being the "bigger man" and not hurting someone back? Is that really the only way to fix the situation nowadays?
When it comes down to it, there are many things that can happen in a moment of anger, amidst a fight or during a divorce, that are mistakes. Some can be fixed and some may cost you a loved one for good. That married man you slept with...how would you feel if you were his wife? That guy or girl who sent you the amazingly sexy picture. as an "innocent" flirt..how would you feel if you found an amazingly sexy picture of a guy or girl in your partners stuff? The person you slept with before you were done with your current relationship...how would you feel if that person did the same to you when they had had enough? Is it worth it for a couple of exciting, new or interesting moments? At the end of the day it becomes quite simple, just treat others as you would want to be treated, and keep karma on your good side.
3. Be greatful. Everyday.
Some days, it's like the whole worlds gone crazy. Innocent people dying, fiscal cliffs hanging over our heads and cheating running amuck. There's so much stress in every day life just to survive that it's easy to forget that you are so very lucky to have someone who loves you for who you are. Some people never find that in life, some find it and lose it and some squander it. But those who have found it should always try to remember, among the craziness of every day life, to be greatful for their partner. Life is so short, they could be gone tomorrow, and it takes hardly any time at all to tell those that you care about (not just your partner, remember your fabulous family and crazy friends too!!!) what they mean to you.
Go ahead. Find someone you care about and show 'em some love. It'll boost both your moods and remind you how rare and amazing your relationship really is.
4. Sex...yeah, you should totally go get it on.
Before our wedding, I heard all the usual jokes from friends and family about how once you're married, the sex disappears, but I never understood why. If you enjoyed it before you were married, shouldn't it just improve once you've said "I do?". What I've found is that sex after marriage can be amazing and it doesn't have to disappear, but you have to be willing to let go, have fun and have some sex dammit! My husband and I have a healthy sex life even after 5 years of marriage and 8 years of dating because we both want it. Of course, sex works in conjunction with the whole communication and trust thing. If you can't communicate on general stuff with your partner, how are you supposed to open up in the bedroom and tell them what you really want?! Being comfortable communicating with and trusting your partner allows you to be open and honest about your sexual fantasies, wants and needs, and allows you to hear your partner when they share theirs. I know, I knoooow, some people might get all squeamish about the subject of sex, but here's the thing: if you're married or in a long-term relationship, chances are you both have seen each other in waaaaay more embarassing situations (helloooo that first time he was around when you farted!) than something as natural as sex.
So, here's your turn-them-on assignment: Pick a day this weekend that you will have some time with your partner. Seduce them, (you know, flirting, joking, that stuff you used to do waaaaay in the beginning) and find a way to have some good, mind-blowing sex. Think outside the box and do something to add some spice to your sex life and try something your partner would never have expected. Then enjoy the giant smiles you will both have when you're done. Seriously, this "hint" is by far the easiest to understand: Just. Have. Sex.
5. Have fun!!!!! Remember that 3-letter word?!
Remember those date nights when you would go out together, dance the night away, flirting and laughing without a care in the world? Then, life got busier and busier, and suddenly the date nights were MIA. WTF? Though I know life gets horrendously busy (far too often), I can't stress the importance of taking even just one night a week to step outside your normal work-dinner-workout-TV-bed routine and get the hell out of the house to do something fun!!! A movie, a few drinks, a walk around the neighborhood, whatever you choose to do, just have fun. Talk about something other than work and usual things and let your carefree side out to play. It can reduce your stress, reconnect you with your partner after a long day or week and give you a second to stop and finally breathe.
Up for a challenge? Pick a night this coming week when you know you're both available and plan a date night. It can be simple or extravagant, just make it fun for both of you and let the good times roll! Fun, flirty things to try: play pool at a local place where you can snuggle up and exchange glances from across the pool table, grab a drink then head to a club to wow them with your smooooooth dance moves or find a small cafe or venue that offers live music where you can get cozy in a corner while sipping some drinks.
There are so many aspects that make up a good, strong relationship and trust me, I'm certainly not an expert, but over 12 and a half years of being with the same man, I have learned a few things. Remember, you'll make mistakes, fall down, get back up, and probably, at some point, hurt one another, but it's all part of life. Be kind to one another, love like there is no tomorrow and never forget, you will get out of your relationship what you put into it, so give it everything you've got and be happy!!!
~KG
Thursday, January 3, 2013
A beach-perfect body by summer (and after)? YES, it IS possible!!!
New year, new resolutions, right? Perhaps a new diet or workout plan in hopes of a beach-perfect body by summer time? Why not try a new way of taking off those excess pounds, and KEEP THEM OFF!!!
I had always been a tiny girl, no boobs, no butt and no fat...until I started getting older. Combine not knowing how the hell to cook anything except mac n' cheese or ramen noodles with the allure of 21-year-old drinking 4 nights a week, and after a few years of that kind of lifestyle, suddenly my waistline wasn't quite as trim as it once was. Before I knew it I was up over 200 pounds...and hating the way I looked. I knew it was time for a change, so my hubby and I started eating better and signed up at the gym. After about 6 months, I had dropped 25lbs and was starting to feel better about the way I looked, but I had hit a plateau. We tried diet after diet and with no real results, and I began to get discouraged. I just couldn't seem to find a diet I could stick to! My mom works at a hospital and several of the nurses had started a diet plan, Mend-A-Body solutions, and the results were not only noticable but amazing, so my parents jumped on board. After the first week, they began to noticably drop weight, mainly around their midsection, and within 2 weeks the transformation was enough for me to start asking questions. I thought if my parents, in their mid-40s, could make losing weight look so insanely effortless, there MUST be something to this!!!
My husband and I started Mend-A-Body together just 3 weeks before going on a Caribbean family vacation, and by the time we left, we had both dropped almost 20lbs. We ended up staying on the diet for the most part while on vacation and came back another few pounds lighter. Once home, we continued the Mend-A-Body plan and added in some workouts at home and within a few months I had reached my goal weight of 145lbs and my husband was within 15lbs of his goal weight. My cholesterol, usually always a concern, dropped several points into normal range and my husband's blood pressure improved greatly. Over a year later, I have not gained back the weight as I had with any other diets I had tried, and I am excited to recommend this amazing diet to anyone out there who is looking to switch to a healthier - and happier - lifestyle.
Now, I will say that this diet is not easy. It requires dedication and a good amount of prep work for your meals and snacks, but the results are so worth it. If you plan to attempt the Mend-A-Body system I would highly recommend doing so with a friend or loved one. It's so much easier to stay on track with a buddy who can kick your butt on the tough days, to celebrate with you on the amazing, I-lost-HOW-much-weight days, and can be the key to keeping you in line with your eyes on the prize (hellooo, the skinnier YOU!!).
Mend-A-Whaaaat? WTH is Mend-A-Body?
Mend-A-Body is a low-glycemic, low-inflammatory plan which focuses on whole body inflammation by using one-on-one coaching, healthy food choices and a line of supplements that work to help you feel great and lose the weight. It begins with a period of strictly protein, water and supplements, then progresses into phase 2, which includes protein with vegetables and moderated fruits, plus the supplements. The further into the program you get (and the closer to your goal weight you get), the more you are allowed to add back into your diet/meal plan. The program maintains a very structured meal plan, which requires 3 meals and 2 snacks each day, making it a priority to EAT!!! Imagine that, a diet that doesn't ask you to go hungry to lose weight!
Ready to go after that beach body?
It's pretty simple. Read all about the Mend-A-Body system and how it got started at their website here, then visit the Mend-A-Body website here and fill out the contact form. The more information you can provide them about your expectations, wellness goals and your individual situation, the more they can help! Someone from Mend-A-Body will contact you to set up a FREE consultation, during which you can ask more questions and learn all about the Mend-A-Body system and what it can do for you. Whether you want to jump right into the full program or you just want to get more info or order food and supplements from Mend-A-Body, the new you is just a click away.
If you've tried everything out there without lasting or noticable results, I urge you to try Mend-A-Body. It may be the key to finally reaching your weight loss goals - and maintaining them!! So what do you have to lose (besides all that excess weight)?!? Contact Mend-A-Body today and start on the path to a happier, healthier (and waaaay skinnier) you!!!
~KG
I had always been a tiny girl, no boobs, no butt and no fat...until I started getting older. Combine not knowing how the hell to cook anything except mac n' cheese or ramen noodles with the allure of 21-year-old drinking 4 nights a week, and after a few years of that kind of lifestyle, suddenly my waistline wasn't quite as trim as it once was. Before I knew it I was up over 200 pounds...and hating the way I looked. I knew it was time for a change, so my hubby and I started eating better and signed up at the gym. After about 6 months, I had dropped 25lbs and was starting to feel better about the way I looked, but I had hit a plateau. We tried diet after diet and with no real results, and I began to get discouraged. I just couldn't seem to find a diet I could stick to! My mom works at a hospital and several of the nurses had started a diet plan, Mend-A-Body solutions, and the results were not only noticable but amazing, so my parents jumped on board. After the first week, they began to noticably drop weight, mainly around their midsection, and within 2 weeks the transformation was enough for me to start asking questions. I thought if my parents, in their mid-40s, could make losing weight look so insanely effortless, there MUST be something to this!!!
My husband and I started Mend-A-Body together just 3 weeks before going on a Caribbean family vacation, and by the time we left, we had both dropped almost 20lbs. We ended up staying on the diet for the most part while on vacation and came back another few pounds lighter. Once home, we continued the Mend-A-Body plan and added in some workouts at home and within a few months I had reached my goal weight of 145lbs and my husband was within 15lbs of his goal weight. My cholesterol, usually always a concern, dropped several points into normal range and my husband's blood pressure improved greatly. Over a year later, I have not gained back the weight as I had with any other diets I had tried, and I am excited to recommend this amazing diet to anyone out there who is looking to switch to a healthier - and happier - lifestyle.
Now, I will say that this diet is not easy. It requires dedication and a good amount of prep work for your meals and snacks, but the results are so worth it. If you plan to attempt the Mend-A-Body system I would highly recommend doing so with a friend or loved one. It's so much easier to stay on track with a buddy who can kick your butt on the tough days, to celebrate with you on the amazing, I-lost-HOW-much-weight days, and can be the key to keeping you in line with your eyes on the prize (hellooo, the skinnier YOU!!).
Mend-A-Whaaaat? WTH is Mend-A-Body?
Mend-A-Body is a low-glycemic, low-inflammatory plan which focuses on whole body inflammation by using one-on-one coaching, healthy food choices and a line of supplements that work to help you feel great and lose the weight. It begins with a period of strictly protein, water and supplements, then progresses into phase 2, which includes protein with vegetables and moderated fruits, plus the supplements. The further into the program you get (and the closer to your goal weight you get), the more you are allowed to add back into your diet/meal plan. The program maintains a very structured meal plan, which requires 3 meals and 2 snacks each day, making it a priority to EAT!!! Imagine that, a diet that doesn't ask you to go hungry to lose weight!
Ready to go after that beach body?
It's pretty simple. Read all about the Mend-A-Body system and how it got started at their website here, then visit the Mend-A-Body website here and fill out the contact form. The more information you can provide them about your expectations, wellness goals and your individual situation, the more they can help! Someone from Mend-A-Body will contact you to set up a FREE consultation, during which you can ask more questions and learn all about the Mend-A-Body system and what it can do for you. Whether you want to jump right into the full program or you just want to get more info or order food and supplements from Mend-A-Body, the new you is just a click away.
If you've tried everything out there without lasting or noticable results, I urge you to try Mend-A-Body. It may be the key to finally reaching your weight loss goals - and maintaining them!! So what do you have to lose (besides all that excess weight)?!? Contact Mend-A-Body today and start on the path to a happier, healthier (and waaaay skinnier) you!!!
~KG
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